My breaking point... and THE PLAN

Three nights ago, I finally had it!!! I had enough of the picky eating, complaining and whining at the dinner table that I couldn't take it anymore!  I said, "That's it!  Everyone leave the table until you're ready to be nice!"  Dinner time is supposed to be a pleasant time where our family enjoys a nourishing meal together and we share about our day... But it had turned into a battle with my six-year old and my four-year old- a battle of them vs. food- or maybe them vs. me....  

SO I MADE A PLAN…

I'm the type of Mom to whom healthy eating really matters to me.  We serve lots of fruits and veggies, we don't eat red meat, we eat brown rice, whole grain pasta, fresh squeezed juice, and nitrate-free lunch meats.   I have always served balanced nutritious meals for my kids.  When they were babies up until age two- it was smooth sailing.  They all ate everything.  The trouble all began for each of them when they reached the age of two.  Foods began to be refused, and junk food tastes made it into their taste buds… They realized white pancakes were fluffy and delicious and whole wheat pancakes were “yucky.”  They wanted white rice, and white pasta. They began to savor fast foods and they began to develop a negative relationship with the wonderful, healthful foods that I regularly served.  It happened gradually- I didn’t see it coming!

Where we’re at now:

·      Terrek (6) – my pickiest eater- will eat: pizza, chicken fingers, grilled cheese sandwiches, fish sticks, white pancakes, macaroni & cheese, hot dogs, and his favourite: peanut butter & jam sandwiches.  He loves dairy and fruit (which is great).  He has gotten to the point where he won’t try anything new.  He refuses even one bite of practically every meal I serve unless it can be found in the above list.  He complains and whines and says “I don’t like it.”  It’s gotten to the point where he won’t touch his dinner, and asks for a peanut butter sandwich.  I end up reluctantly making him a peanut butter and jam sandwich for fear he will starve and not grow. 

·      Patrick (almost 4) will eat- the foods found on Terrek’s list, and: chicken wings, veggies & dip and salad with dressing.  Patrick is more adventurous when it comes to trying new foods than Terrek.  However he doesn’t like many fruit.  Like Terrek, Patrick doesn’t like sauces and stews or beans of any kind, and he prefers all the white carbs, which are nutritionally naked.  Patrick’s biggest food problem of late is that he has decided he can’t feed himself anymore and he wants to be spoon-fed.  If no one will spoon-feed him, he’ll cry and complain: “I can’t!  I can’t!”

·      Evelyn (1 ½) – my sole girl- she throws the food she doesn’t want.  She’ll shout “no chicken!” “more noodles!”  She hasn’t quite reached the two-year food strike I have come to expect, but I fear it is just around the corner!

·      Baby- to- be (I’m 5 ½ months pregnant): I want to have all of this figured out by the time he turns two!!!!

When I finally clued in that my children were “picky eaters” I tried many strategies. I did my research. 

Strategies- Attempted and Failed:

1.     Food Group Charts:  I made four food group charts with stickers and pretty pictures of all the different healthy foods.  It worked somewhat well for a little while, and then it was abandoned.  

2.    Bargaining: Making a deal and negotiating with toddlers and little kids- not great.  Arguing and pleading takes away your authority as a parent and just makes more power struggles.  “Eat this and you can have this…” not only not effective, but also demeaning (and a big downer- it made everyone edgy).

3.    Forcing Bites: “You must have three bites of this, two bites of that before you leave the table, you must eat all of this…” That just turned into more power struggles until finally Terrek just began to refuse and would hold his mouth closed.  I feared (and read) that this type of forcing can lead to a negative relationship with food and can cause eating disorders later in life.  So we knew we had to scrap this bad strategy ASAP. 

4.    Hiding Veggie Purees in Recipes:  This is a brilliant idea- until your kids refuse to eat anything with sauce, as the veggies are usually hidden in the sauce.  My kids became wise to the beets and squash hidden in pancakes, however I can still get away with it for baked goods.  This strategy still works for macaroni and cheese and chicken noodle soup.

5.    The Be-Grateful Speech: Talking to my kids about poverty around the world gathered interest from the boys at first.  I showed some videos and images from the web of children in Africa who didn’t have any food.  My husband and I explained that we are lucky to have food at all and we need to be grateful for what we have.  While this evoked sympathy from my kids- it didn’t seem to transfer to the dinner table.  Instead Terrek would say “stop saying that” “you always tell me that.”

6.    The “no-pressure” Attitude: This is the most recent strategy that my husband, Julius & I have tried.  After failing with the “forcing bites” strategy- we went for the completely opposite approach.  I would serve the meal and if they didn’t like it, which was always, I pretended not to care.  I would give no reaction to their whines, or how they pushed their plates away.  My hope was that they would eventually realize that they were missing out on delicious food.  So far this hasn’t worked.  Although I did refuse to make them another meal, I allowed them to have a peanut butter and jam sandwich instead.  I felt that with whole grain bread, non-hydrogenated, sugar-free, all natural peanut butter and organic, sugar-free fruit spread, this was a healthy choice.  I predicted they would get bored of the same peanut butter sandwich every day, and would begin to try foods on their own. I thought that if we give the power over food back to them, then they would be curious and want to try foods on their own.  This plan majorly backfired.  They began to try less and less and all they wanted was the peanut butter sandwich.  Especially my oldest, Terrek.

This is what brought me to THE PLAN.

The Picky-Eater-Experiment Day 1:

January 19, 2013

This is the day where I lost it and sent everyone away from the table.  I finally realized that nothing was working, my kids were fussy eaters, and I was so sick of their ridiculous picky eating and poor attitudes at meal times!!!!

After taking a few deep breaths, and doing the lotus position to calm down, I came up with my plan.  I wrote down the new dinner rules with a marker and explained them calmly and firmly to my kids.

The Dinner Rules:

1.     Everyone is polite at the dinner table.

2.     No complaining.

3.     Everyone must feed themselves.

4.     You must eat everything on your plate if you want any snacks after dinner.

(I explained they do not have to eat everything on their plate if they don’t want to, but that meant no peanut butter sandwiches).  (I also explained that there would be no arguing- this is just the way it is now.)

I explained this to the boys and Evelyn.  I emphasized that dinner is a positive time where we should be happy.  I made it clear that if rules number 1 & 2 were broken then the perpetrator must leave the table.

Dinner: Teriyaki chicken and tofu, rice and steamed broccoli 

The boys went off and played, claiming to be ‘full’.  (Their meals hadn’t yet been touched); however within fifteen minutes, both boys made their way to the table, ate everything on their plates, then asked for a peanut butter sandwich.  SCORE!!! I was happy to make them a peanut butter sandwich after they had each eaten an entire meal, veggies and all.  I felt the glow of success!  This may be easy after all…

January 20, 2013- Non-experiment day- mall meal: pizza and fries and bean burrito… (YIKES)

Day 2:

January 21, 2013

Dinner- baked seasoned chicken stuffed with mushrooms, sweet potatoes in sauce with mushrooms and zucchini and pasta.

Terrek, Patrick and Evelyn looked at their plates and gobbled up the noodles.  “More noodles!” demanded Evelyn.  “Can I have more noodles?” asked Terrek.  “I want more noodles,” said Patrick.  I took a breath and responded (remaining positive) that yes, they could have more noodles after they eat everything on their plate.  I referred to the rule poster on the fridge.  The boys decided they were full and left the table.  Evelyn screamed “NO CHICKEN!  MORE NOODLES!”  How do you argue with a baby???  I snuck her some more noodles without the boys noticing.  
     "Shhh!  Don't tell the boys!" I whispered to her.  
     "Boys!" she called, coyly "Boys!"  
     "Noooo!" I whispered, "shhh!"  After a bit, Terrek came back to the table.  He wanted popcorn.  I referred to the rule list.  He sat down, and ate everything on his plate!!! (Minus the mushroom stuffing in the chicken- I let that slide).   Patrick was being evasive. 

I air-popped the popcorn and topped it with olive oil and salt.  Terrek and Evelyn began to chomp it down.  Patrick was drawn to the table by the popcorn aroma.  “I want popcorn Mommy,” he said.  His sweet little voice was playing with my heart strings.  
     “Patrick you need to eat your dinner first, then you can have popcorn,” I said, remaining nonchalant.   His temper tantrum began.  Cries and whines!  
     “I don’t like it” “feed me” “I want popcorn!”  I began to doubt myself.  Was I being too harsh?  Was I forcing my son to eat something that truly tasted terrible to him?  Was I a big-fat-Meany?  It seemed so unfair that Terrek and Evelyn got a special treat, and I was denying the same for Patrick. Ahhh!  This was hard.   I took a breath, and reassured myself that I must stick to the plan.

I referred to the rules- and reminded him there is no complaining and he’ll have to leave the table if he doesn’t calm down.  He begrudgingly quieted down.  After a few minutes he attempted to eat a sweet potato.  He made a terrible face and began to cry.  “I can’t!  I can’t!” he whined. The chewed up sweet potato fell out of his mouth and down his shirt.  I calmly referred to the rules.  “I will scribble out the rules!” he threatened.  He got off his chair, removed the rule poster from the fridge and held his huge-Batman pen in ready position.   
     “You can not scribble out the rules,” I said.  “That is disrespectful.  Also, they’re in my head, so I’ll just write them again.”  I put the rule sheet back on the fridge.  “If you don’t want your sweet potatoes, maybe you are full.  Let’s just forget about it,” I said, attempting to diffuse the situation.  But there was no forgetting about popcorn.  Especially since Terrek kept reminding him that he was eating popcorn and it was going fast.     

Patrick went back to the table and proceeded to give his sweet potatoes the death stare.  The popcorn was disappearing, and Patrick resumed his crazy temper tantrum.  I began to take Terrek and Evelyn upstairs, and he freaked out some more.  “Patrick, you’re crying and complaining at the table, that’s enough!” I firmly scooped him up, he was kicking and screaming and removed him. 

Daily Plan Status: Unsuccessful for Patrick 
                             Successful for Terrek

                             Non-applicable for Evelyn

January 22, 2012- non-experiment day- Boys have judo- rushed dinner of sandwiches- whole grain bread, sliced cheese, all natural turkey deli slices and lettuce.  (This sandwich is always a hit, and what Terrek has in his lunch for school almost everyday).  (I don't know what we'll do if he ever gets tired of it).