When dinner makes you want to hide in a box...

Dinner: chicken or tofu skewers marinated with zucchini, red peppers and yellow peppers, brown rice and salad. Salad: romain lettuce, carrots, cucumbers, strawberries, grapes and swiss cheese.  Dessert: yogurt!

Oh boy- where do I start?  Tonight was one of those days!  One child had diarrhea, and was wearing a full Batman suit, so in dire situations, wrestling out of it in time was a challenge.  One child fell off her chair (we were in the dining room so the regular chairs- not the high ones, thank goodness).  This child was also complaining of a diaper rash "bum-bum hurts!" so dinner was constantly interrupted so I could wipe her sore bum with warm water.  The third child would not sit at the table at all!  He said he didn't like the dinner.  He kept fooling around and getting up and hiding in a huge cardboard box.

Next silly problem- The boys had gotten into the labels with our name on it for lunch boxes/coats, etc. and had them stuck on their arms.  (They routinely do this with stickers) The problem, (despite the fact that these labels are pricey!) was that they are so sticky, they hurt to come off.  Terrek was brave and ripped his off, but Patrick cried that it hurt! So those labels are affixed to his arms indefinately... we'll see how long they stay stuck!

Patrick and Evelyn did a fair job at eating their dinner at our first sitting.  They both ate most of their salad, with dressing, Patrick ate his chicken and not his tofu, and Evelyn ate her tofu and not her chicken.  (Unfortunately, she walked to the green bin and spit her chicken out into it after she took a bite).  Neither of them touched their peppers. (I gave the boys only one piece of pepper each, as I knew this would be a sore spot).

PROBLEM: How do I get Terrek to stay seated at the table????  He would not cooperate!  I want him to sit with us, enjoy each others' company and share a healthy meal together.  He said he was bored and kept leaving the table.  He didn't eat anything at the first sitting.  He just kept hiding in that cardboard box.

Later, after revealing his plan to sneak downstairs in the middle of the night and eat a bagel, he finally asked for his dinner.  (Ahh! This is not a healthy attitude- I don't want them to feel they have to sneak food- am I going wrong here??)

Terrek proceeded to eat all his salad (without dressing) and his chicken.  (I didn't attempt to give him any tofu- we've been down that road before...)  He had a bone to pick with his pepper though.  "I don't like peppers.  You know I don't like peppers, Mommy! Why did you give me a pepper?"  No amount of explanation sufficed, and he "accidentally" "dropped" the red pepper on the floor.  I washed it, and put it back on his plate.

Meanwhile, Patrick had finished almost everything except a few pieces of his salad (including his grape- he doesn't like grapes) and his pepper.  He was holding on to a container of yogurt, giving me threatening looks.  I played it cool.  "Of course you can have yogurt when you finish your dinner."

Neither boy would budge on the pepper.  Self-doubt got the better of me.  Maybe it was a moment of weakness or maybe it was the diarrhea...I caved and said they didn't have to eat the pepper.  After all- it was yogurt they wanted, not chocolate pudding or candy floss.  They finished everything else- with the salad giving them a good dose of veggies- I reasoned that it was OK for me to let the peppers slide.

Did I do the right thing??  Have I set a bad president, going back on rule number four?

They all went crazy over the yogurt.  (I buy creamy yogurt, sweetened with fruit juice- no sugar)  Even though it's a common food for them, all three were really in the mood for yogurt.  Terrek ate two yogurts, Patrick ate three, and Evelyn ate one and a half, finishing up by using dallops of the yogurt as hand lotion.  (Mess)!!

Plan status:  Successful**
Label status: Labels stuck on both boys
*minus peppers
**Why won't they eat all their dinner at dinner time?  Why do we have to have two sittings every night??

Thumbs down to Chickpeas a.k.a. "rotten rats"

Dinner: Vegetable paella (rice cooked in veggie stock & seasonings mixed with peas, chickpeas, sun-dried tomatoes, green beans, carrots & red peppers, topped with hard boiled eggs) and baked chicken strips (no breading- just long, skinny pieces of pre-seasoned chicken breast) and mango juice.

Evelyn was the first to express her outrage that there were things in her rice.  “No rice!  No my rice!” she cried, clearly angry that her rice had been tampered with.  Rosemarie and I were over-ambitious with the chickpeas.  I should have known better than to give them paella chalk-full of chickpeas.  I would have set them up for success if I had only included one chickpea from the start… live and learn. 

Terrek, although sustaining a positive tone admitted that he didn’t like this dinner.  He ate his hard-boiled eggs (no yolks) and drank his mango juice, and then he said he was done.  He didn’t touch his chicken, any of the veggies or the rice.  All three children did not appreciate the fact that the rice and vegetables were all mixed together.  They like these things separate!

Patrick was really tired tonight at dinner, and was lying on my lap.  He didn’t eat one bite of anything on his plate at mealtime.

Evelyn ate her eggs, her red peppers, her green beans and some of her rice.  (After she recovered from the shock!)

I felt discouraged and disappointed.  I realized I had attempted something too advanced for their beginning balanced eating skills.  However, when it was time for last call for food before bath time, all three came running back to the table.  Terrek had spotted the pumpkin pie on the counter, and this gave him the courage to go on! 

Rosemarie and I were cleaning up the dishes while the kids began eyeing their plates, trying to assess the best strategy.  Evelyn asked for cheese.  “Chee!  Chee!” I calmly took her on my lap and explained that she could have cheese after she eats her dinner.  She’s not yet two, so reasoning with her is quite challenging- but I decided to try.  I kept repeating, “you can have cheese after you eat your dinner.”  She kept running to the fridge and crying,

     “Chee!  Chee!  More chee!”  After pleading with Rosemarie, she finally gave up (I was surprised!) and came to see me at the table, where I fed her chicken, and green beans and rice (all separated out). “Oatmemeal!  Oatmemeal!” she said. 

     “Yes, Evelyn, you ate all your dinner, now you can have oatmeal,” wow- she actually got it.  Babies are smarter than you think!  She ate an entire bowl of baby oatmeal.

  

As I was tidying up, I heard the boys discussing their meals.  They were unaware that I was eavesdropping.  “This tastes really, really bad,” said Terrek in a matter-of-fact voice.

    “Yeah,” said Patrick, equally serious.

     “It tastes like rotten rats,” said Terrek.

     “Yeah,” said Patrick, still serious. 

Terrek proceeded to pick out all his chickpeas and pile them in a corner on his plate.  He ate his chicken, carrots, green beans, peas and rice, although he did it separately.  “Now can I have pumpkin pie?” he asked me.  I realize that rule number four states “everything on your plate before you can have dessert,” however I began to question the chickpea situation.  I made an executive decision, making a note of being smarter next time, and I removed all the chickpeas, but one from Terrek’s plate.  He forced himself to eat this one chickpea, knowing the promise of pumpkin pie loomed in the future.  He ate it with such a fowl expression, that one would think he was eating ‘rotten rats.’  He got his reward- two pieces of pumpkin pie.

Patrick was slower to succumb.  He had a fowl expression on his face and he kept taking his one chickpea off his plate.  I would just put it back on.  “If you’re too full, it’s okay, just no dessert,” I reminded him.  He didn’t say much, but his anger was brewing on the inside.  He tried to take his anger out on his utensils by attempting to bend his fork and spoon, but he didn’t cry and whine, which was certainly an improvement for our dinner atmosphere! Eventually he ate his eggs and chicken.  He reported that he doesn’t like carrots and he doesn’t like green beans and he does not like chickpeas.  He mushed his solitary chickpea to a pulp and poked a hole in the plastic tablecloth with his fork.  I gave him another chickpea.  I remained positive with him, and gave him a kiss.  “You don’t have to eat it,” I reminded him.  But his drive to get that pumpkin pie was strong, and he began nibbling.  I left him downstairs with his plate and Rosemarie, while I took Evleyn and Terrek up for their baths.  He ended up eating it all, including the veggies and the single chickpea!  He got his well-deserved reward!  When he came up to the bathroom, where his brother and sister were happily splashing- all signs of his dinnertime anger had vanished.  He was all smiles, and he proudly reported eating all of his food.  He told me the pie was really yummy.  “You ate your chickpea too?” I asked in disbelief. 

     “Yes,” he said as we hugged.  “Mommy, I love you, you’re beautiful.”  I guess my son is pretty forgiving- he obviously doesn’t hold a grudge! J

Plan status:  successful (minus the chickpeas)

Instant oatmeal = better than no oatmeal

My kids have always been A-OK with breakfast.  They love scrambled eggs, toast, peanut butter, cereal (I don' t buy any sugary kinds), milk, yogurt, turkey sausage (sometimes turkey bacon for a treat- although it has sodium nitrates in it- BAD preservative).  They like fresh squeezed orange juice and fruit (Patrick only limited fruit),  they used to love whole wheat pancakes with hidden veggies, but they are on hiatus from those for now.  (They got spoiled with the white pancakes from a mix- that Daddy & Super Nanny- Rosemarie made so much of).  Sometimes they like french toast, and they like whole wheat orange crepes (one of my favourites). However they DON'T like oatmeal.  (Except Evelyn- she loves oatmeal with raisins).  I love oatmeal too- sometimes I put apples in it- it's like apple pie, sometimes bananas, I love to put raisins in, and top it with chopped nuts or berries.
     It was my sister-in-law, Shal's idea to try instant oatmeal- her kids love it.  So I decided to try it with my three monkeys.  Julius (husband) didn't buy the sugar free one- he bought another variety- but it looks pretty healthy.  It's got omega-3s, chopped nuts, flax seeds and dried fruit.  It's a little sweet- but not overly like others I have tried in the past.  I tried it with the kids this morning.  All three loved it!  Terrek had two bowls!  "Im eating a yummy, healthy breakfast," he said.  Breakfast party for Mommy!! (simple pleasures- I know I don't get out much...)  It's not homemade oatmeal- but it's still pretty healthy, I think!  Maybe we'll work up to the homemade...now that they realized oatmeal is actually yummy and they've opened their mind to a warm, hearty breakfast choice!

Yellow rice got the thumbs up

Dinner: turkey burgers, tarragon "yellow" rice, roasted eggplant, zucchini & red peppers, milk to drink.

Everyone was in a great mood tonight for dinner- they were happy with rosy cheeks from playing outside, making an igloo in the front yard with the neighbours.  They were taking turns being ghosts going after each others' feet chanting: "my booooot! My boooooot!" in a spooky voice.  No complaining at all- how refreshing! :)

The kids were starving when we came inside- and so they had their snack late- homemade apple sauce and cheese strings.  So- this snack kind of filled them up.  Patrick normally hates homemade applesauce- too lumpy.  He always wants the store bought kind.  I made sure to really mash the heck out of it, and he actually tried it, and ate half of it (improvement).  The only one who really ate a lot of dinner was Evelyn.  She ate half of her turkey burger, half of her rice and six servings of chopped up roasted red pepper, and she drank all her milk.  She kept asking for more and more red pepper- "more peppa!"

I didn't want to torture the boys by giving them eggplant and zucchini and peppers- they would have been emotionally scarred. (We'll work up to that goal!!! One day???)  I gave them each one piece of zucchini- the blandest of the three.  Neither of them touched it, however.  Terrek ate one bite of his burger, and a few bites of rice, drank all his milk, and was done.  Patrick ate one bite of his burger, all of his rice, all of his milk and was done.  I was impressed that they ate the rice- as it was bright yellow with some seasoning.  Patrick was skeptical and Terrek was suspicious.  "Why is it yellow?" "Will it taste weird?" But they both tasted it before writing it off- and they were both fine with it.  That was a success!

Plan Status: Evelyn- successful
                   Terrek & Patrick- partially successful... (gray area!)

Lots of Grapefruits

Dinner: baked halibut, mashed potatoes, peas & corn, grapefruit.

The grapefruit was a last minute addition- all three of my kids have always loved grapefruit- for some strange reason.  It's sour, but they love it.  Maybe it's because they like scooping it out with a spoon.  They gobble grapefruit down, and suck out all the juice.  I find this pretty amazing, especially for Patrick, who is not a huge fan of fruit, and Evelyn- just a baby.

Terrek looked at his meal, and turned away, as if insulted.  He was in a very hyper mood, and he kept bouncing off his chair, flipping upside down and being goofy in general.  He was full, I guess, because he ate his lunch so late (as he tried to not eat it, then eventually became starving and ate it plus an oatmeal strawberry muffin and chocolate milk).  Getting him to remain seated on his chair was like trying to keep a grasshopper in the palm of your hand.

Patrick needed to sit on my lap today.  He was in an absolutely cranky mood.  Just before dinner he had cried for twenty minutes because it wasn't his turn to turn off the T.V..  He ate three helpings of the halibut, all his peas and corn and no mashed potatoes.

Evelyn ate no fish, most of her mashed potatoes and her peas and corn.

It was almost time to take them up for bed, so I gave the last call for food.  (They usually want bedtime snacks- but now they have to have eaten all their dinner first- as per rule #4).

All three came back to the table.  Patrick mushed up and spread his mashed potatoes all over his plate, then slowly started to eat them!  Terrek ate all of his mashed potatoes, no fish, and no peas and corn.  Evelyn started taking all of the grapefruits out of the bowl in the centre of the table.  When I wasn't looking, the boys began stabbing grapefruits with their forks.  "No!" I shouted, don't waste the grapefruits!" "Ahh! Don't stab your brother with the fork!"
     "Eat fruit, eat fruit!" said Evelyn.
     "Mommy can I have grapefruit?" asked Patrick.
     "I want grapefruit too," said Terrek.  Who would deny their children grapefruit?  By the time they were finally done, Evelyn and Patrick had both eaten two entire grapefruits each, and Terrek had eaten one half.  They all had even squeezed out the grapefruits into their bowls and drank the juice.  Evelyn sucked it right out of the peel.  I had cut so many grapefruits, I felt like I was opening a grapefruit restaurant.

Plan status:  Even though Terrek and Evelyn didn't eat their fish- I'd say given all the vitamin C that they ate, all three were pretty successful! :)

Cornflakes for Dessert

Lunch: whole wheat english muffins with canned salmon on top and mozzarella cheese.  (Salmon blended with celery and mayo in the blender).  Milk to drink.

     Patrick asked "what's for lunch?"
     I said, "english muffins with salmon." (At this point they didn't have any cheese on them).
     "Woo-hoo!" he said, excited.  That made me pretty happy.  Then he climbed up at the table and looked at his english muffin with salmon on it.  "Eeeew.  I don't like it," he said, and he pushed his plate away so it collided with Evelyn's and Terrek's waiting plates.  He sat there in a grump for a few minutes, and I carried about my business, pretending not to notice.
     Evelyn refused to sit in her high chair, as she's decided she's too big for it now, and sat in a regular chair.  "Sit there, that!" she exclaimed, pointing to the big chair.  Her little chin just comes above the table, but as long as she's happily eating, and she doesn't slide off the chair and smash her head, then I'm happy.  (Our kitchen chairs are the tall-tall bar stool type of a chair).  She began sticking her finger in the salmon and licking it off.  Terrek was playing with the camera and didn't want to come to the table.
     I had a suggestion, "Patrick, do you want cheese on top?"
     "Yes," he responded.  I sprinkled on shredded mozzarella cheese, and popped it into the toaster oven to melt it.  When I presented it to him the second time, he reluctantly took a teeny-tiny bite.  "I don't like it!" he proclaimed with a convincing scowl.  I began to go into the same old speech...when he shouted out, "Just joking! I like it!"  He proceeded to eat one and a half english muffins with salmon and cheese and he drank all his milk. (We never have a problem when it comes to dairy).
     Terrek joined us at the table and just stared at his english muffin with salmon.  "I don't like it."
     "Do you want cheese on it?" I asked.
     "I want mine just with cheese, no salmon," said Terrek.
     "No, that's what's for lunch," I said.  I put the cheese on his and Evelyn's who decided to join in on the cheese band-wagon.
    "Chee!  Chee!" she demanded.  Evelyn had scrapped off most of the salmon from her english muffin by now and licked it off her fingers.  She finished off her lunch by eating just the cheese, and leaving the english muffin.  Terrek just stared at his and let it get cold.
     "I'm not hungry," he said.
     "Can I have cornflakes now?" asked Patrick.  He had eaten a great snack of pear, and wholesome lunch so I had no hesitation.
     "Of course you can!" I said.  Of course, Evelyn wanted cornflakes too.
     "Can I have cornflakes?" asked Terrek.  Wanting to keep things positive, I answered,
     "Yes!  You can have cornflakes as soon as you eat your lunch."  I motioned to his english muffin.
     "I don't want cornflakes," he said, leaving the table.

Plan status:  Patrick- successful
                    Evelyn- mostly successful
                    Terrek- unsuccessful

Note: cornflakes for dessert is A-okay with me!  (much better than cookies or jello).

Note:  Several hours later, Terrek ended up eating his english muffin, and a piece of raisin bread, an oatmeal strawberry muffin and a glass of chocolate milk.  The waiting game worked this time around!  Ha ha!

Snack Time Shift

It has come to my attention that my kids are snacking a lot in between meals, and they are snacking on the wrong things.  I just had a confrontation with Patrick about cornflakes...  While cornflakes and milk make a great breakfast, I don't feel that my kids should eat cereal all day.  (They would if they could!)

I cut up a pear, two apples, a blood-orange and washed up some grapes and arranged them all on a plate.    To me it was a delicious spread!  I sat down on the kitchen floor and offered to share the refreshments with my kids.  Evelyn agreed that this was a yummy snack, and she happily ate pear slices and grapes.  Terrek who usually gobbles fruit, wasn't hungry and just ate one grape.  He was too busy floating paper boats in the sink to bother with having a snack.  Patrick was not impressed with the fruit plate.  "I don't want any, I don't like it" he said.  "I want cornflakes!"
    "This is what's for snack," I said.  "If you don't want any, that's fine, but you can't have cornflakes right now.  This is our snack."  Patrick started to cry and complain.  As he was not at the table, but on the kitchen floor, in his mind, rule number 2 did not apply.
    "This is our snack, you should try it, it's delicious," I said.  He glared at the fruit and gave the dinner rules chart on the fridge the evil eye.
     "I don't like the dinner rules!  I don't like them."  He discretely removed the dinner rules sheet from the fridge, went in the other room, and started punching the paper list in the air.  I chose to ignore him, but I watched...curious as to what he would do next.
     "Patrick is ripping the dinner rules!" tattled Terrek.  I didn't give anyone any negative attention, I ignored the tattling and I ignored the sitting on top of the crumpled dinner rule sheet that Patrick was now doing.
     We all finished our snack, except for Patrick.  I went upstairs to do some work, while Rosemarie watched the kids.  I left the fruit plate on the floor so the kids could help themselves.  Terrek went back and helped himself to various fruits, Evelyn had some more grapes, but Patrick just kept fussing.  Blah! How can you not like fruit?  It's crunchy, it's fresh, there was a variety....Ahhh!  Patrick is probably the most stubborn child that exists on Earth.

    A few minutes into writing this, Patrick snuck upstairs chewing on something, and he had a smile on his face.  "What are you chewing on?" I asked with a sneaking smile spreading across my face.  He had a wide grin, all signs of complaint and dispair had vanished.  He was chewing on a pear slice!  He opened his mouth to show me.  I made a huge, crazy, happy deal!  I gave hugs, I gave high fives! I cheered, I praised.  Patrick sucked it all up, feeling very proud of himself.
     "Now can I have cornflakes?" he asked hopefully.
     "You can have cornflakes for breakfast tomorrow," I said.  "For snack we have fruit."  Surprisingly, Patrick seemed to accept this news.
     "I will eat this many pears!" Patrick said holding up ten fingers.  More praise, more love and hugs went his way!  As I am writing, he keeps coming upstairs and showing me his mouth, he finished the original pear that I cut up, and has now cleaned up a second pair that Rosemarie cut up.  Woo hoo!!!! Success!!!!
    "I'm the robber," Patrick declared, showing me the pear slices concealed in his hand.
     "Robber!" shouted Evelyn, imitating her big brother.  "Robber eat pear!"  As she chewed on her pear I flooded her with love and praise too.

Positive attention is way nicer than negative attention.  (I'll re-write the dinner rules for the fridge later). And apparently, it's also more effective!  "I like pear," concluded Patrick!

Kids not fans of Spaghetti Squash

Dinner: chicken thighs, roasted potatoes, spaghetti squash with kidney beans and roasted red peppers, carrot sticks.

On the positive side- no one was crawling all over me at the table today, and I actually got to eat.  HOWEVER it was an unsuccessful experiment day!!  The boys were picky, and began complaining when they saw the meal- I nipped that in the bud, and reminded them of the no-complaining rule.  They stopped complaining but they picked at their food.  No after-dinner treats tonight. :(

Terrek ate a few potatoes, and a little chicken.  He had one or two bites of a carrot stick, he did not touch the spaghetti squash and he flung the one single, solitary kidney bean that I placed on his plate.

Patrick ate two helpings of chicken, no potatoes, no spaghetti squash, no carrot sticks, no bean.

Evelyn ate chicken and some potatoes, half a carrot stick, no spaghetti squash and no bean.

Maybe they just weren't that hungry?  Maybe they are deathly afraid of spaghetti squash???

Hallelujah!

Dinner: Multigrain, breaded tilapia, steamed brown rice, and peas and corn, with milk/ apple juice.

Minus a few episodes of flopping around on his chair, Terrek was very successful with today’s meal!  Normally brown rice and peas would have been cause for complaint, however no negativity surfaced from him tonight.  He whispered in my ear that he had good news, and the good news was that he liked everything on his plate.  He took his time, but he managed to eat his entire serving!  “Now can I have popcorn Mommy?”  My answer was yes! J

Evelyn and Patrick both decided that it was the end of the world if they didn’t sit on my lap for dinner.  Tears and cries began to surface, and I had to remind Patrick of the ‘no complaining rule.’  Before they would touch their dinner, they had to get their seating arrangements organized.  I started with the plan of letting Evelyn sit on my lap. “Sit there, Mommy!” she demanded, trying to climb on.  (I missed her too- after being away from them all day at work, I never mind a good snuggle).  Patrick was in the same frame of mind as Evelyn, however, and he began climbing on my lap too.  Keep in mind that my belly is rather huge now, and as Evelyn and Patrick were attempting to squeeze on, my baby was kicking me from the inside as if to remind me my lap was his reserved spot for now!  Reasoning with either Patrick or Evelyn was fruitless- the five minute taking turns suggestion was met with “NO! I DON”T WANT TO!” My most wonderful nanny, Rosemarie attempted to sway Evelyn to come sit with her, to no avail.  I ended up succumbing to the chubby little loves and let them both sit on my lap, on either side of my protruding belly.

They both began happily eating their meals; I however, could not reach my plate.  Patrick intermittently kept asking, “Mommy feed me?  Why can’t you feed me?”  The obvious reason was that I couldn’t reach his mouth with two kids on my lap, but I repeated my same response-
     “Everyone feeds themselves at the table now. “ “You are a big boy, you can do it!”  Evelyn ate about half of her dinner then proclaimed,
     “I’m done!” and went off to play.  Patrick took his time, flopping around on me, obsessively playing with my hair.  He managed to eat a little bit of everything, then he left the table.   I finally got a chance to eat!

Popcorn time came- the sound of the air popper lured all three children back into the kitchen.  “Can I have popcorn?” asked Patrick. 

“Yes!” I said, “as soon as you finish your dinner.” There were a few statements of resistance, but the rapidly filling popcorn bowl worked as motivation.  Patrick didn’t want to miss out again on the special treat- he sat down and finished everything!  Astonishing- he asked for seconds on brown rice and the peas and corn and he ate it all!  What is going on??!

The kids loved the popcorn- unfortunately Evelyn wiped her olive oil hands all over my new duvet, but to me that is nothing when I have this sneaking suspicion that my plan is working!!!! Could it be true?? Both boys ate all their food?  I feel like dancing around and throwing a party!! Woohoo!!! J

I have BEAN decieved!

I was shocked to hear from Patrick's pre-school teacher that he ate two bowls of chili for lunch last week! "With beans?" I asked in disbelief. 
     "Oh yes, kidney beans and brown beans," she said. 
     "It was yummy, Mommy.  I dipped my bread in it." HOLY CRAP! Patrick ate chili??? Patrick ate chili on his own free will?  He ate beans?  He ate sauce?  What kind of wacky parallel universe is this??? I was completely shocked, and honestly I felt a bit betrayed!  I love chili, and I've made it many times, with no hope in He*# that my kids would eat it.  Patrick not only ate his entire bowl at pre-school, but he asked for another.  It was as if I had been slapped in the face, although I felt a strange sense of hope at the same time. 

This was one of the pivotal moments that led me to my realisation that something was going terribly wrong with meal time at my house.  It made me see more clearly that the battles we had at dinner were stemming more from power struggles than a real dislike of food.  If Patrick could eat two bowls of chili, including beans and sauce, then anything was possible.... :)

My breaking point... and THE PLAN

Three nights ago, I finally had it!!! I had enough of the picky eating, complaining and whining at the dinner table that I couldn't take it anymore!  I said, "That's it!  Everyone leave the table until you're ready to be nice!"  Dinner time is supposed to be a pleasant time where our family enjoys a nourishing meal together and we share about our day... But it had turned into a battle with my six-year old and my four-year old- a battle of them vs. food- or maybe them vs. me....  

SO I MADE A PLAN…

I'm the type of Mom to whom healthy eating really matters to me.  We serve lots of fruits and veggies, we don't eat red meat, we eat brown rice, whole grain pasta, fresh squeezed juice, and nitrate-free lunch meats.   I have always served balanced nutritious meals for my kids.  When they were babies up until age two- it was smooth sailing.  They all ate everything.  The trouble all began for each of them when they reached the age of two.  Foods began to be refused, and junk food tastes made it into their taste buds… They realized white pancakes were fluffy and delicious and whole wheat pancakes were “yucky.”  They wanted white rice, and white pasta. They began to savor fast foods and they began to develop a negative relationship with the wonderful, healthful foods that I regularly served.  It happened gradually- I didn’t see it coming!

Where we’re at now:

·      Terrek (6) – my pickiest eater- will eat: pizza, chicken fingers, grilled cheese sandwiches, fish sticks, white pancakes, macaroni & cheese, hot dogs, and his favourite: peanut butter & jam sandwiches.  He loves dairy and fruit (which is great).  He has gotten to the point where he won’t try anything new.  He refuses even one bite of practically every meal I serve unless it can be found in the above list.  He complains and whines and says “I don’t like it.”  It’s gotten to the point where he won’t touch his dinner, and asks for a peanut butter sandwich.  I end up reluctantly making him a peanut butter and jam sandwich for fear he will starve and not grow. 

·      Patrick (almost 4) will eat- the foods found on Terrek’s list, and: chicken wings, veggies & dip and salad with dressing.  Patrick is more adventurous when it comes to trying new foods than Terrek.  However he doesn’t like many fruit.  Like Terrek, Patrick doesn’t like sauces and stews or beans of any kind, and he prefers all the white carbs, which are nutritionally naked.  Patrick’s biggest food problem of late is that he has decided he can’t feed himself anymore and he wants to be spoon-fed.  If no one will spoon-feed him, he’ll cry and complain: “I can’t!  I can’t!”

·      Evelyn (1 ½) – my sole girl- she throws the food she doesn’t want.  She’ll shout “no chicken!” “more noodles!”  She hasn’t quite reached the two-year food strike I have come to expect, but I fear it is just around the corner!

·      Baby- to- be (I’m 5 ½ months pregnant): I want to have all of this figured out by the time he turns two!!!!

When I finally clued in that my children were “picky eaters” I tried many strategies. I did my research. 

Strategies- Attempted and Failed:

1.     Food Group Charts:  I made four food group charts with stickers and pretty pictures of all the different healthy foods.  It worked somewhat well for a little while, and then it was abandoned.  

2.    Bargaining: Making a deal and negotiating with toddlers and little kids- not great.  Arguing and pleading takes away your authority as a parent and just makes more power struggles.  “Eat this and you can have this…” not only not effective, but also demeaning (and a big downer- it made everyone edgy).

3.    Forcing Bites: “You must have three bites of this, two bites of that before you leave the table, you must eat all of this…” That just turned into more power struggles until finally Terrek just began to refuse and would hold his mouth closed.  I feared (and read) that this type of forcing can lead to a negative relationship with food and can cause eating disorders later in life.  So we knew we had to scrap this bad strategy ASAP. 

4.    Hiding Veggie Purees in Recipes:  This is a brilliant idea- until your kids refuse to eat anything with sauce, as the veggies are usually hidden in the sauce.  My kids became wise to the beets and squash hidden in pancakes, however I can still get away with it for baked goods.  This strategy still works for macaroni and cheese and chicken noodle soup.

5.    The Be-Grateful Speech: Talking to my kids about poverty around the world gathered interest from the boys at first.  I showed some videos and images from the web of children in Africa who didn’t have any food.  My husband and I explained that we are lucky to have food at all and we need to be grateful for what we have.  While this evoked sympathy from my kids- it didn’t seem to transfer to the dinner table.  Instead Terrek would say “stop saying that” “you always tell me that.”

6.    The “no-pressure” Attitude: This is the most recent strategy that my husband, Julius & I have tried.  After failing with the “forcing bites” strategy- we went for the completely opposite approach.  I would serve the meal and if they didn’t like it, which was always, I pretended not to care.  I would give no reaction to their whines, or how they pushed their plates away.  My hope was that they would eventually realize that they were missing out on delicious food.  So far this hasn’t worked.  Although I did refuse to make them another meal, I allowed them to have a peanut butter and jam sandwich instead.  I felt that with whole grain bread, non-hydrogenated, sugar-free, all natural peanut butter and organic, sugar-free fruit spread, this was a healthy choice.  I predicted they would get bored of the same peanut butter sandwich every day, and would begin to try foods on their own. I thought that if we give the power over food back to them, then they would be curious and want to try foods on their own.  This plan majorly backfired.  They began to try less and less and all they wanted was the peanut butter sandwich.  Especially my oldest, Terrek.

This is what brought me to THE PLAN.

The Picky-Eater-Experiment Day 1:

January 19, 2013

This is the day where I lost it and sent everyone away from the table.  I finally realized that nothing was working, my kids were fussy eaters, and I was so sick of their ridiculous picky eating and poor attitudes at meal times!!!!

After taking a few deep breaths, and doing the lotus position to calm down, I came up with my plan.  I wrote down the new dinner rules with a marker and explained them calmly and firmly to my kids.

The Dinner Rules:

1.     Everyone is polite at the dinner table.

2.     No complaining.

3.     Everyone must feed themselves.

4.     You must eat everything on your plate if you want any snacks after dinner.

(I explained they do not have to eat everything on their plate if they don’t want to, but that meant no peanut butter sandwiches).  (I also explained that there would be no arguing- this is just the way it is now.)

I explained this to the boys and Evelyn.  I emphasized that dinner is a positive time where we should be happy.  I made it clear that if rules number 1 & 2 were broken then the perpetrator must leave the table.

Dinner: Teriyaki chicken and tofu, rice and steamed broccoli 

The boys went off and played, claiming to be ‘full’.  (Their meals hadn’t yet been touched); however within fifteen minutes, both boys made their way to the table, ate everything on their plates, then asked for a peanut butter sandwich.  SCORE!!! I was happy to make them a peanut butter sandwich after they had each eaten an entire meal, veggies and all.  I felt the glow of success!  This may be easy after all…

January 20, 2013- Non-experiment day- mall meal: pizza and fries and bean burrito… (YIKES)

Day 2:

January 21, 2013

Dinner- baked seasoned chicken stuffed with mushrooms, sweet potatoes in sauce with mushrooms and zucchini and pasta.

Terrek, Patrick and Evelyn looked at their plates and gobbled up the noodles.  “More noodles!” demanded Evelyn.  “Can I have more noodles?” asked Terrek.  “I want more noodles,” said Patrick.  I took a breath and responded (remaining positive) that yes, they could have more noodles after they eat everything on their plate.  I referred to the rule poster on the fridge.  The boys decided they were full and left the table.  Evelyn screamed “NO CHICKEN!  MORE NOODLES!”  How do you argue with a baby???  I snuck her some more noodles without the boys noticing.  
     "Shhh!  Don't tell the boys!" I whispered to her.  
     "Boys!" she called, coyly "Boys!"  
     "Noooo!" I whispered, "shhh!"  After a bit, Terrek came back to the table.  He wanted popcorn.  I referred to the rule list.  He sat down, and ate everything on his plate!!! (Minus the mushroom stuffing in the chicken- I let that slide).   Patrick was being evasive. 

I air-popped the popcorn and topped it with olive oil and salt.  Terrek and Evelyn began to chomp it down.  Patrick was drawn to the table by the popcorn aroma.  “I want popcorn Mommy,” he said.  His sweet little voice was playing with my heart strings.  
     “Patrick you need to eat your dinner first, then you can have popcorn,” I said, remaining nonchalant.   His temper tantrum began.  Cries and whines!  
     “I don’t like it” “feed me” “I want popcorn!”  I began to doubt myself.  Was I being too harsh?  Was I forcing my son to eat something that truly tasted terrible to him?  Was I a big-fat-Meany?  It seemed so unfair that Terrek and Evelyn got a special treat, and I was denying the same for Patrick. Ahhh!  This was hard.   I took a breath, and reassured myself that I must stick to the plan.

I referred to the rules- and reminded him there is no complaining and he’ll have to leave the table if he doesn’t calm down.  He begrudgingly quieted down.  After a few minutes he attempted to eat a sweet potato.  He made a terrible face and began to cry.  “I can’t!  I can’t!” he whined. The chewed up sweet potato fell out of his mouth and down his shirt.  I calmly referred to the rules.  “I will scribble out the rules!” he threatened.  He got off his chair, removed the rule poster from the fridge and held his huge-Batman pen in ready position.   
     “You can not scribble out the rules,” I said.  “That is disrespectful.  Also, they’re in my head, so I’ll just write them again.”  I put the rule sheet back on the fridge.  “If you don’t want your sweet potatoes, maybe you are full.  Let’s just forget about it,” I said, attempting to diffuse the situation.  But there was no forgetting about popcorn.  Especially since Terrek kept reminding him that he was eating popcorn and it was going fast.     

Patrick went back to the table and proceeded to give his sweet potatoes the death stare.  The popcorn was disappearing, and Patrick resumed his crazy temper tantrum.  I began to take Terrek and Evelyn upstairs, and he freaked out some more.  “Patrick, you’re crying and complaining at the table, that’s enough!” I firmly scooped him up, he was kicking and screaming and removed him. 

Daily Plan Status: Unsuccessful for Patrick 
                             Successful for Terrek

                             Non-applicable for Evelyn

January 22, 2012- non-experiment day- Boys have judo- rushed dinner of sandwiches- whole grain bread, sliced cheese, all natural turkey deli slices and lettuce.  (This sandwich is always a hit, and what Terrek has in his lunch for school almost everyday).  (I don't know what we'll do if he ever gets tired of it).